Tag Archive: patience


The Endless


Time has no purpose but to mark the steps

To show the forward motion

To give context to the journey

To this familiar nowhere called Us.

 

Maybe the feet know to go

Where your footsteps have left their warmth.

Maybe the center of my gravity

Is in the core of Was-just-here.

 

Maybe the heart is just too used

To being left behind

In the Almost.

 

In the ocean of Where-you-were,

The limestone cliffs of What-we-could-have-been

Shine like a beacon for my storm-tossed soul.

The crashing waves become hands upon my cradle

Drawing on this sleep,

Never ending this dream.

 

Our “here” just keeps on drifting beyond reach.

We never are and can never be, only

 

Might

Remains to move me.

 

 


 

Ang buhay, ika nga, ay parang tele-serye.

 Here’s a day in the life of Day and me.

 Introductions: Si Day, matagal ko nang bet na pinakilala sa akin ng bestfriend kong si Peewee, na ex ni Coco (7 years sila) na nakilala ko sa Singapore nung nagbakasyon ako dun two weeks ago.

 Day: Uy Coco really really really likes you…

 Doni: Of course he does. I remind him of Peewee.

 Day: Yey! Soon to be couple na ito!

 Doni: Nyek. May boyfriend na ko.

 Day: Kung ang asawa nga naaagaw boyfriend pa kaya? Hahaha.

 Doni: Ano ba, engaged din si Coco no. Adik to. Saka kung iiwanan ko yung boyfriend ko, para lang yun sayo. Hahaha.

Day: Engaged lang pala. I can ruin that engagement with just one snap of my finger. Anyway, sinong past time naman ‘yang sinasabi mong boyfriend?

Doni: Hindi siya past time at wala siya sa social radar mo dahil isa siyang outlier just like me. Bwahahahaha

Day: You said you’ll leave him for me, so he’s just an ‘effin past time.

Doni: I said that to humor you and because I know you’ll never want to end up with me… Duh…

Day: Weh. Ganun pa din ‘yun.

Doni: Think what you want, Day. Don’t be jealous.

Day: I’m not jealous babe. You already made me feel better earlier by saying that I’m the only person that can make you leave your boyfriend. And with that, I’m already satisfied. So no need for me to think much. I love you Doni. Mwah!

Doni: Hmmmmm… Hollow pathetic little lies. If you really want to get with me, then you should have. Now it’s too late. Too bad.

Day: Nah. What’s too bad is you’re with someone who happens to be just a past time. And you thinking that he’s not is the hollow pathetic little lie. And it will be too late for that guy to realize that. With that I rest my case. Peace!

Doni: What’s bad is that I’m with him instead of you. And you’ll never know how bad it is because you were never and won’t ever be with me. And it’s your fault. Don’t feel sorry for my man, Day. He gets to be loved by me.

Ang arte ko na.

Ang ganda ko pa.

(Pero iniisip ko kung ako ba talaga ang nanalo sa sagutan naming dalawa…)

Nangangarir


Nang magsimula ako magtrabaho, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na magiging Manager ako bago ako mag-30.

Alam kong para sa ibang tao, hindi naging mahirap na maabot ang goal na ito. Pero kung nagtatrabaho ka sa HR, o kahit anong position sa administration o support, sangkatutak na politika at paghihintay ang dapat mong tiisin bago ka mapromote.

Laging sinasabi sa akin na ang HR ay isang calling. Hindi siya basta trabaho. Ika nga, it’s a labor of love. Nilalagay ko lang sa perspective ang lahat para marealize mo na gayong posible, mahirap maabot ang goal na yon.

I consider myself lucky because I’m one of the people who know exactly what they want when it comes to their career. Sa career tayo magfocus kasi everything else about me has not been figured out yet. Hahahahahahaha… (fade to sad face emoticon)

When I left my first agent job, I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in HR. I have been working in HR for about six years. In that period, I started as a recruitment associate, doing phone interviews and chasing numbers all day. Less than a year after that I was promoted to Recruitment specialist, handling face to face interviews and assessments. Eventually, I was handling my own accounts.

I moved to a bigger company to get training and after my recruitment project ended, I was introduced to Employee Relations and Organizational Development. I started as an associate, then I was promoted to specialist. Eventually, I was handling Labor Relations.

I had a huge fight with my Manager who scolded me in front of all my team mates. Of course, kahit umiiyak ako, nagdadahilan pa rin ako sa kanya. Sabi ko, “if you feel that I’m standing in the way of the rest of the team then you should let me move to another team. They are asking for me after all.”

Bago kami mag-away nung dati kong manager, she told me that she wanted me to become successful so she was training me to be like her.

Sabi ko, “I don’t want to be like you because I know I can be so much more.”

Yuh, maldita ako sa work. Hahahahahahahaha…(escalate to evil emoticon). Of course, a week later, sinampahan niya ako ng kasong Insubordination at although alam kong hindi niya ako pwedeng iterminate, alam ko lalong hindi ako mapopromote kung makakatanggap ako ng memo. What an asshole move. Matapos ‘to nang promisan niya akong ipopromote niya ako, kaya naloko akong maghandle ng isang buong site (without her supervision, dahil ayaw na ayaw niya sa site na yun dahil matatapang daw yung mga tao). Nagulat na lang ako a month later na may na-hire na pala siya for the position she was promising me. May gana pa siyang sabihing para daw yun may magdefend sa akin, this after nakuha ko na ang loob ng entire site at starlang-starla na ako dun.

I decided to leave that company to pursue a relationship with a start up business, where I was responsible for doing all things HR.

Pero dahil dubious ang kumpanya, at dahil nagka-ilangan kami ng aking estranged jowa na dun din sa start-up company na yun nagtatrabaho, nagresign ako ulit at naging Supervisor dito sa company ko ngayon.

Bongga.

Naalala ko pa kung paano ako maliitin nung ex kong yun dahil Operations Supervisor siya at na-bum ako for two months.

Ngayong sumabog na ang start-up na yon, dahil estafadora pala yung management, sa kangkungan na pinulot si ex. May gana pa siya ngayong kontakin ako. So ginamit ko na lang yung linya niya sa akin dati:

Bakit pa ako tatapak sa basura e ang ganda ganda na ng stilletos ko?

I told the manager who hired me sa trabaho ko ngayon na goal ko talaga maging manager by age of 30 at naghahanap ako ng kumpanya na mabibigay ang opportunity na yun sa akin.

I also want to have tenure, because I’m done with running around.

Ngayong wala na yung manager na yun, andito pa rin ako sa kumpanya. At nalaman ko na lang eventually na I was hired, of all reasons, for my looks.

Hindi ko naman siya masisi.

Anyway, I was being my normal bibo self here sa office. At nadiscover ko na talent ko pala ang magbigay ng bad news at kumontra at mampossess ng mga empleyado without appearing negative or rude. Kahit kasi nagmamaldita ako, hindi pa rin nagagalit sa akin yung minamaldita ko.

Ang tawag daw dun ay CHARM.

Maraming beses na akong nakipag-banggaan sa mga director at ilang beses na rin akong ginawan ng complaint dahil sa mga pagrereklamo ng mga maeepal na boss-bossan dito na hindi sanay na kinokontra sa sarili nilang katangahan.

Meron akong talent: I cannot tolerate bullshit.

At kesehodang kung sino ka pa. Alam kong alam ko kung anong ginagawa ko, at hangga’t mas marami akong alam tungkol sa pinaguusapan nating dalawa, hindi ako magdadalawang-isip na sabihin at ipagtanggol ang puntong yon sa iyo.

Masasabi kong magaling ako sa trabaho ko. At gusto ko yung ginagawa ko. Bihirang masabi ng isang worker yun. Passion ko yata talaga ang maki-alam sa buhay ng ibang tao at ipagtanggol ang tama.

I was able to establish an image of reason, integrity, fairness and of course, BEAUTY. Hahahahahahahaha (fade to soft smile)

So much kong nagalingan ang trabaho ko, na pretty soon, marami nang nakakatunog nito.

Recently, I received an offer from another company. They are asking me to do the exact same thing I’m doing here pero they are willing to give me almost twice what I am currently making.

Ang haba ng hair kong silky.

Siyempre, tinanggap ko yung offer. At nagfile ako ng resignation dito.

Over the past several weeks, kabi-kabila ang mga Executive na kumakausap sa akin para i-convince akong mag-stay. Kinausap ako nung acting General Manager namin nung nakaraang linggo at sinabi niya yung mga plano niya para sa HR. Na ikinatuwa ko naman. Kaya lang, hindi niya pa raw masasabi kung kailan yun mangyayari.

Tapos nung isang araw, kinausap naman ako ng VP na onaks. Isa siya sa mga pinaka-malditang onaks dito sa office. Ganito yung conversation:

Onaks: So, ano? (yes, kaya niyang magstatement nang ganun.)
Ako: Haha, so, ano nga?
Onaks: I heard you were resigning (hanggang “so, ano?” lang ang kaya niya)
Ako: Yes, I gave my letter yesterday.
Onaks: Do you know the top reasons why people leave?
Ako: Uhmm…
Onaks: You should know this.
Ako: It’s usually due to some sort of dissatisfaction. I just don’t think it fits this situation. I like my job. Really, the only reason why I’m picking-
Onaks: I didn’t ask you why you’re picking them. I asked you why people leave. Okay, so there’s three reasons. The first one’s the boss. I don’t think you have a problem with that. The second one I forget. The third one is for money.
Ako: Well, in this case, it is the offer.
Onaks: So what are they offering you?
Ako: *Offer*
Onaks: And how much are you making now?
Ako: *(Offer/2)++*
Onaks: That’s a lot. Now I can’t tell you that we will be able to do something special for you. In the last few months that we have been working together (may project kasi kami) I found you to be very talented. Of course, we want to keep your talent.
Ako: Awww… Thanks (as in, pa-sweet talaga ako nito)
Onaks: And you know how tough I could get.
Ako: Yeah, you’re a bully that’s why.
Onaks: No I’m just tough on the people whom I know can take it.
Ako: Awww…
Onaks: So are you accepting the offer?
Ako: Yes I signed and I start on the 23rd.
Onaks: So obviously I’m looking for a way to keep you. Everything that has been discussed about this I’ve told Onaks 2 (mas powerful na Onaks, no. 2 kay president ng company)
Ako: Yeah, I talked to General Manager (siyempre, first name talaga ginamit ko dito). I’m actually very optimistic about what he has planned.
Onaks: And why is that?
Ako: Because it goes with what we wanted to do as a team all along. The thing is, I don’t know when that’s going to happen. And now something better has come along.
Onaks: So how long are you going to be here for?
Ako: Until the 20th. But I asked for a terminal leave so I can get my stuff fixed. So I’ll have till next week since I have endorsements.
Onaks: Okay. We’ll see, I’m still not done trying to keep you.
Ako: I’m surprised that you’re talking to me about this, actually.
Onaks: And, why is that?
Ako: I don’t know. It just seems like it’s so important.
Onaks: Well, you’re important.
Ako: Thanks…
Onaks: You’re welcome, and you’re not leaving until the project’s done.
Ako: I’m done with it. I’ll give you my recommendation.
Onaks: OK (insert utos here)

Now wheels are turning around me and it seems that they are really making an effort to convince me to stay. Nung pipirmahan na ni GM yung sulat ko, sinabi niya sakin na kung pwede bang bigyan ko muna siya ng isang linggo para mapresent yung plano niya sa Executive Team. Tapos tingnan ko raw kung gusto ko yung gusto niyang mangyari.

E hello, sila-sila kaya yung mga boss.

Nakakaloka.

Never ko inexpect na malalagay ako sa ganitong situation. Feeling ko, pinag-aagawan ako ng mga tao. Ahahahahahahahaha (ang tigas talaga ng fez ko).

Pero siyempre, hindi na sila dapat choosy sa ganun. Kasi kilala ko ang sarili ko at gaya ng appeal ko sa mga boylipops, alam ko ring may kakaiba akong bagsik sa work. Naeembarass nga lang ako magdemand kung tinatanong nila ako kung ano yung magpapa-stay sa akin.

Kasi ang kapal ko naman kung magpress-release akong gawin niyo kong manager at hindi ako lalayas. (Mas gusto ko kasing kusa ‘yong nanggagaling sa kanila)

Ang taray ng work no?

Sana ganyan din ang lovelife…

Space


In the interstices of each word
And here between the lines,
In the creases where sages paint
(Where we lie in wait),

This is our world-
Stained with punctuation,
In the split-second decision between
Pausing or continuing.

We saunter and are surrounded
By flowery words.
Us: in the synapse of each thought,
With sense or wont.

We shall witness victory or failure-
The syncopation of listening and speaking-
In silence, like the spaces between:
Wordless.

 

This is a translation of the Filipino Poem “Puwang”

For Thursday Poets’ Rally Week 25

Expectations


 

Consider:
Whether the path
Paved and light?
Whether the status quo
With dimmed delight?
Whether the bed
That is warm
But vacant?

To walk,
Where jagged craggs abound?
To be,
Where certainty can’t be found?
To sleep,
Upon a rock
Laid with chance?

The stage is set
Miss Havisham,
The heart has flamed
And dimmed the forge
That blackened my face.

A seed of ambition-
A better than-
My mind was tamed
And so engorged
With want that won’t erase.

Weigh:
Between the difference
Of need and want;
Between the height of ambition
And being arrogant;
Between the distance
Of a dream
From covetousness.

Subtract
The vanity in possession.
Alight
The baseless assumption.
Return
To what is deserved
From wanton excess.

The chain’s been filed
Mr. Marshman,
The mind has cleared
And lit the fire
That led my way.

A tree of hope-
A could become-
The heart that feared
Began to aspire
A better day.

check out other One Shot Poets here

Seeing Mark


 

Venti Vanilla Tea Latte
White chino
Jeans
sneakers.

Was it a year?

Was it several lifetimes ago?

You look like you
Didn’t even see me coming.
You avoided my gaze,
I weighed the weight
Of sadness you’re bearing.

Grande Coffee Jelly
Black shirt
Jeans
Sneakers

It was a year.

It was several lifetimes ago.

You weren’t you
The way I see you now.
The one I let slip away,
I try to keep the welling
Air of possibility at bay.

So what’ve you been up to?
How are you doing now?

I fill each awkward gap
With stupid questions
Preludes to answers
I didn’t care to know.

They were set in place,
Like the foam on your latte,
To add interest
To the real question lying beneath.

I stroke the back of your hand
Deliberately.
I see you struggle not to tense it.
Pretending everything was fine
Pretending you weren’t cringing
On anticipated pain.

Do you hate me?

Folding the dollup of cream
Into my drink.

No hate,
You whispered
To the frothy crown,
Only hurt.

(Insert stupid question)

(Insert vacant answer)

I’ll walk you to work

We get up
And you walk right next to me
I hold on to your arm.

We leave our drinks,

Unfinished.

Death to Patience


 

He is sprawled helpless, whelmed beyond measure
Here on the field of fetid cotton sheets.
He ponders: was it love? Convenience?
Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter.
Pain and joy both syncopate his heartbeats.
The difference, he reckoned was patience.

And there was an endless supply. Patience
That days and distance can’t seem to measure.
But he can’t help from counting the heartbeats
That always hasten when rain drops in sheets.
Pretense and a hand offers convenience,
Stalls him for a while in viscuous matter.

Habit later becomes inconvenience,
Question marks hover testing his patience
Every gap in time begins to matter,
The treasure of pleasure failed to measure
Up to the emptiness between his sheets.
A drone instead of musical heartbeats.

What good is a heart when one’s own heart beats
For nothing? Certainly no convenience
Can expunge forever the empty sheets
Of his love story. Understand, patience
Has betrayed him of wealth without measure.
Abandoning the heart for gray matter.

He asks himself, “what the hell’s the matter?”
The mind cannot pulse as the quick heart beats.
Feelings make thoughts difficult to measure–
They refuse to settle for convenience.
The heart will destroy the walls of patience
What it seeks lies beyond these cotton sheets.

He takes a torch under the wretched sheets
The healing flames make nothing else matter
Flames of the arson put death to patience,
Music, at last, is heard in his heartbeats
The cotton mistakes and inconvenience
Have found their end in overdue measure.

He has left patience in the ashen sheets,
Figured that measure should not so matter.
Summoning heartbeats defies convenience.