Tag Archive: memories


The Endless


Time has no purpose but to mark the steps

To show the forward motion

To give context to the journey

To this familiar nowhere called Us.

 

Maybe the feet know to go

Where your footsteps have left their warmth.

Maybe the center of my gravity

Is in the core of Was-just-here.

 

Maybe the heart is just too used

To being left behind

In the Almost.

 

In the ocean of Where-you-were,

The limestone cliffs of What-we-could-have-been

Shine like a beacon for my storm-tossed soul.

The crashing waves become hands upon my cradle

Drawing on this sleep,

Never ending this dream.

 

Our “here” just keeps on drifting beyond reach.

We never are and can never be, only

 

Might

Remains to move me.

 

 

Advertisements

The Comeback


Sometimes I think I’ve gone too far

away from you

That I’m back where I started–

Right behind you.

If only your memory were a corpse

Buried in the ground,

And I never had a shovel

Or pick

Or spoon

Or hands-

Then there would be no nights like this.

 

But you’re a seed,

That turned into a tree

And you know how I just can’t

Resist the shade.

And you bore fruit

And I ate them all

And spat out the pits.

 

Maybe if I just kept still–

 

Maybe if I destroyed you–

 

Maybe if you just stopped mattering

And I stopped muttering

We start happening

And I stop hoping.

 

Then I’d see that the seed

Was a weed

And the fruits were all spiney.

 

That would be as far

Enough to get past you

So you can be where you need to–

Behind me.

Resuscitation


Was it right over left or the other way around? He clutched one hand with the other over the unmoving chest— it doesn’t matter, just pump the shit out of it.

One, two, three, four… he should have paid more attention, but there’s no use arguing with himself about it now. Man, if this worked, he’d be a hero. If it didn’t—

Two days ago, in the toilet, he was just imagining this exact same scenario. If he did die, would he feel anything? Maybe regret. Maybe frustration that he didn’t feel the feelings one does in the situation. Definitely guilt.

Has he succeeded in completely numbing himself? Does that make him a terrible person? Less human? But, he shed a tear with that slightly forgettable advert, out of the blue. Why don’t the feelings ever come at the exact moment they’re supposed to?

He checks for a pulse, pinches his nails to check for circulation. Was it appropriate to say “hey, hey, are you okay?” It just seemed awkward.

How long has he been unconscious anyway? Not so he can gauge the chances of resuscitation but because he wanted to make sure it was acceptable to stop trying.

What went on in his mind was not a feeling of sadness, or fear, or helplessness. It was a familiar non-feeling. It was an awareness that something was absent- a something that did not leave a hole, but would have made the moment richer, or more important.

It was this awareness that kept him within bounds. That kept him from crossing over into the region of social disorder.

He went through the motions automatically. He didn’t realize that there was a faint beating where his fingertips touched his wrists and the color on his lips moved from purple to blush.

Then suddenly- he gasped for air, then coughing and then tears. His hands clutched him and he held out his arms, cradling him as he should.

“I thought I had lost you.”

“I felt my life passing before me.”

“I wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t come to.”

“But I did. I’m here now. I love you.”

“Sure.”

Drugs


Move with ease, the heart contains a thunderbolt: exciteable and exciting and exacting like Zeus’ cleaver.

It draws a void across my heart to bring you forth– my half, my other, myocardia.

Let the zephyr of my daydreams take you away, the nights in my day, permanent fantasy.

I will steal fire and let it burn on my hand to light you up, my forbidden man.

I blaze.
I glow.
I ash
And disappear

It Could Be NightFall


As we lay on the grass,
your belly was my pillow.
I was reminiscing
as you checked on the news.
The sky was that in-between color of cold pink,
little particles of water vapor vex and touch us randomly-
stirring a wariness of a hesitant drizzle.

Your breath is steady
while mine is drowned in the sound of you,
the feel of every blade of grass,
tasting my skin through my clothes.

Now, I do not care for the filth.
I do not care for the myriad footsteps that trampled our bed.
I do not care for the
waste of pleasures consumed,
of moments stolen
and light beams evaded.

I see the past,
yes,
and how blurry it is
through my myopic memory.

The stars themselves could not decide
whether to shine or fade.
They twinkle,
like your eyes and mine.
They zoom,
however steady in the sky.
And they each hold a wish for you and me.
A promise once only
hung upon a tree.

Is the earth exhaling or is the sky breathing down on us?
Is the world turning
or do we drive it around?
Is that not my heart beating in your chest?
Is this not your warmth kindling my breast?

It could be night fall,
the crickets have assured it.
But it is only dawn.

And you are with me.

On This Day


IN MEMORY OF JO, THE MAN WHO SHOWED TRUE LOVE.

On this day,
I move my sight
To the paths of sunlight
That dance upon your skin.

They light the narrow way
Towards the place that you promised,
That universe where you are
Waiting for me.

On this day,
I set aside the times I missed
To carry you
Through the dark valley that you tread.

Instead,
I reminisce our splashing
On the shores of love,
In the pursuit of that idea we hoped to find in each other.

On this day,
I capture the warmth of the morning
Which are, no doubt, your arms
Keeping my corroding heart together.

It brings hope alive
In my heart, your souvenir,
An offering of your love
That knows neither death nor time.

On this day,
I unravel the garland
Of teardrops that flowed
With your demise.

Its absence is replaced
By a peaceful smile
That I crown upon your head
Like a halo to a saint.

When you left me once,
My soul was empty.
As you leave at last,
True love has found me.

—————————

This piece is translated from an original in Filipino

Ngayong Araw

Ngayong araw,
Binabaling ko ang aking paningin
sa mga pilapil ng sinag-araw
Na sumasayaw sa iyong katawan.

Sinisindihan nila ang makipot na daan
Patungo sa lugar na pinangako mo,
Sa lugar kung saan ka naroroon,
Hinihintay ako.

Ngayong araw,
Isinasantabi ko ang naudlot na pagkakataong,
Akayin ka,
Sa madilim na lambak na iyong tinahak.

Sa halip,
Sasariwain ko ang ating pagtatampisaw
Sa tabing-dagat ng pagmamahalan,
Sa kapwa paghabol sa hinagap na inasahang mahanap sa isa’t isa.

Ngayong araw,
Sinasambot ko ang init ng umaga
Na walang dudang mga bisig mong
Yumayapos sa nauupos kong puso.

Pinauusbong nito ang pag-asa
Sa aking puso, alaala mo,
Biyayang pinagkaloob ng pag-ibig mong
Walang pagpanaw o panahon.

Ngayong araw,
Tinatastas ko ang kuwintas ng
Mga butil ng luhang umagos
Sabay ng iyong pagkawala.

Hinahalinhinan ko ito ng
Isang payapang ngiti
Na ipinuputong ko sa iyong ulo
Gaya ng isang santo.

Noong una mo akong iniwan,
Nakaramdam ako ng kawalan.
Sa iyong muling paglisan,
Tunay na pag-ibig ang natagpuan.

Click!


Natupad lahat ng gusto mo.

Maraming salamat Jo.

Mahal kita palagi

GUSTO KONG MAGING…

ni Joren Reysoma

Gusto kong maging
Lapis sa pagitan ng yong mga daliri
Kapag sumusulat ka ng tula
Na puno ng dalamhati

Gusto kong maging
Tasa ng kapeng dumadampi
sa yong mga labi
O alak na gumuguhit
Sa yong lalamunan

Gusto kong maging
Paborito mong awitin
Kulay, laro, salita
at gawin

Gusto kong maging
Liwanag sa yong mga mata
kapag ikay tumatawa
At maging dahilan ng pagtibok ng yong puso

Nais kong maging
Lupa na iyong lalakaran
Hangin na iyong lalanghapin
Salitang iyong bibigkasin

Nais kong maging
Araw sa yong himpapawid
Buwan at bituin
Upang masundan ko ang yong bawat galaw

At kung ikay mahihiga
Gusto kong maging
malambot na kumot
Na ibabalot mo sa iyong katawan
Maging unan na iyong hahalikan

Ang huling bagay
na papasok sa yong isipan
Ang huling salita na
iyong bibitawan

Gusto kong maging
Tagahabi ng yong panaginip
Maging musa mo, maging kanta mo
Maging pangarap mo
Maging alaala mo

Gusto kong mabuhay
Sa loob ng yong isipan
At syang pupuno sa yong puso
Ng init at pagmamahal.

Amygdala


 

The thought of you
Stretches in my mind
With each whiff
Of the shirt you left behind.

A potion of
Cigarettes
And sweat
And shorea.

A souvenir
Of lovers’ glee,
Of promised love
Faded prematurely.

I lie with only
The echoes of your words to me,
“I cannot give you what you want.”
(Then take back what I don’t)

Another indelible
Love story
Stained my nose
And my memory.

I draw a deep breath
And I draw your trajectory.
If out of sight,
Were out of mind.

If your scent
And my feelings
Weren’t so
Intertwined.

If the smell of your shirt
Had no power to remind
My feeble heart of times
It was treated unkind,

Then I could exhale
Instead of sobbing.

I shed tears
More than needed
To drown your perfume
From my head.

But the air around me
Is filled with you.
And I cannot,
Hard I try, begin anew.

Your smell sends our love back in time.
However swift the time you were mine.

click


 

Ang buhay, ika nga, ay parang tele-serye.

 Here’s a day in the life of Day and me.

 Introductions: Si Day, matagal ko nang bet na pinakilala sa akin ng bestfriend kong si Peewee, na ex ni Coco (7 years sila) na nakilala ko sa Singapore nung nagbakasyon ako dun two weeks ago.

 Day: Uy Coco really really really likes you…

 Doni: Of course he does. I remind him of Peewee.

 Day: Yey! Soon to be couple na ito!

 Doni: Nyek. May boyfriend na ko.

 Day: Kung ang asawa nga naaagaw boyfriend pa kaya? Hahaha.

 Doni: Ano ba, engaged din si Coco no. Adik to. Saka kung iiwanan ko yung boyfriend ko, para lang yun sayo. Hahaha.

Day: Engaged lang pala. I can ruin that engagement with just one snap of my finger. Anyway, sinong past time naman ‘yang sinasabi mong boyfriend?

Doni: Hindi siya past time at wala siya sa social radar mo dahil isa siyang outlier just like me. Bwahahahaha

Day: You said you’ll leave him for me, so he’s just an ‘effin past time.

Doni: I said that to humor you and because I know you’ll never want to end up with me… Duh…

Day: Weh. Ganun pa din ‘yun.

Doni: Think what you want, Day. Don’t be jealous.

Day: I’m not jealous babe. You already made me feel better earlier by saying that I’m the only person that can make you leave your boyfriend. And with that, I’m already satisfied. So no need for me to think much. I love you Doni. Mwah!

Doni: Hmmmmm… Hollow pathetic little lies. If you really want to get with me, then you should have. Now it’s too late. Too bad.

Day: Nah. What’s too bad is you’re with someone who happens to be just a past time. And you thinking that he’s not is the hollow pathetic little lie. And it will be too late for that guy to realize that. With that I rest my case. Peace!

Doni: What’s bad is that I’m with him instead of you. And you’ll never know how bad it is because you were never and won’t ever be with me. And it’s your fault. Don’t feel sorry for my man, Day. He gets to be loved by me.

Ang arte ko na.

Ang ganda ko pa.

(Pero iniisip ko kung ako ba talaga ang nanalo sa sagutan naming dalawa…)

Revolution at the Square


 

Posing for inspiration
I make out your form
Across the vast square
Where figures of revolt
Stand frozen with
Passion in their expression.

I curse my vision
For its incapacity
To make out
Your face. I rely on
Imagination to paint a smile
Directed towards me.

Judging from the way
Your arms hold on to the pack
Resting on your lap,
I surmise that I fit you
Or that you fit me
(Or both) perfectly.

The statues’ frozen
Dissent.

I wish you were likewise.
Frozen in the space
Interchangeable, this square
My house
My couch
My bed
My heart.

Instead you stir-
Prepare to leave.
And while I journal
Our imagined encounter,
You vanish.

How beautiful
We could have been,
Adorning a vast square
Like this.
Passion in the expression.

In revolution.