Drugs

Move with ease, the heart contains a thunderbolt: exciteable and exciting and exacting like Zeus’ cleaver.

It draws a void across my heart to bring you forth– my half, my other, myocardia.

Let the zephyr of my daydreams take you away, the nights in my day, permanent fantasy.

I will steal fire and let it burn on my hand to light you up, my forbidden man.

I blaze.
I glow.
I ash
And disappear

Goodnights

The wind machine drones off into a lullaby
and my weary eyes have met the force of gravity.

Your image is projected on my eyelids

and my mind knows it will find no sleep.

You ask me why i never lay beside you,
why i never lie at all.

And i know you know it’s for fear of dreaming,
because awake we do live on.

I crave your every meaningless expression–
The affected effort to touch my heart.

The words uttered with
meaning escaping,

and leaving the nasal baritone as proof.

You do have eyes for me.

And your mouth and feet,
they seem to follow.

Never your hands.

And never my eyes.

You stand ever so close,
Fists clenched.
And i stay
Eyes unflinched.

It Could Be NightFall

As we lay on the grass,
your belly was my pillow.
I was reminiscing
as you checked on the news.
The sky was that in-between color of cold pink,
little particles of water vapor vex and touch us randomly-
stirring a wariness of a hesitant drizzle.

Your breath is steady
while mine is drowned in the sound of you,
the feel of every blade of grass,
tasting my skin through my clothes.

Now, I do not care for the filth.
I do not care for the myriad footsteps that trampled our bed.
I do not care for the
waste of pleasures consumed,
of moments stolen
and light beams evaded.

I see the past,
yes,
and how blurry it is
through my myopic memory.

The stars themselves could not decide
whether to shine or fade.
They twinkle,
like your eyes and mine.
They zoom,
however steady in the sky.
And they each hold a wish for you and me.
A promise once only
hung upon a tree.

Is the earth exhaling or is the sky breathing down on us?
Is the world turning
or do we drive it around?
Is that not my heart beating in your chest?
Is this not your warmth kindling my breast?

It could be night fall,
the crickets have assured it.
But it is only dawn.

And you are with me.

FETUS

All but love curls up into a ball
And bounces around you.
Red and light like a slightly heavy balloon
That bursts with deliberateness.

My fingers are restless:
Today, I drew a sad boy
In shades of black and dots of white-
For contrast.

All in the name of being your missus.
Missus my surname hyphen your surname.
Hyphens become demeaning,
Like a prolonged negative sign.

It is the eve of Christmas
And a turkey is roasting
In my imaginary womb,
Stuffing stuffing the turkey stuffing me.

And you, the proud father,
Wait across my virtual vagina
With anticipation
And of course, a carving knife.

I wheeze-wheeze-wheeeeze
As you cheer me on
Simultaneously salivating
And feeling light in the head.

One great push
And my foot skims hell.
I am ripped apart
And bring forth your feast.

The turkey is burnt
With dots of white- for contrast.
Today, you eat a sad boy.
His fingers are bitter.

The red ball bounces around you
And explodes with deliberateness.
Like a slightly heavy balloon,
Love curls up into a ball.

On This Day

IN MEMORY OF JO, THE MAN WHO SHOWED TRUE LOVE.

On this day,
I move my sight
To the paths of sunlight
That dance upon your skin.

They light the narrow way
Towards the place that you promised,
That universe where you are
Waiting for me.

On this day,
I set aside the times I missed
To carry you
Through the dark valley that you tread.

Instead,
I reminisce our splashing
On the shores of love,
In the pursuit of that idea we hoped to find in each other.

On this day,
I capture the warmth of the morning
Which are, no doubt, your arms
Keeping my corroding heart together.

It brings hope alive
In my heart, your souvenir,
An offering of your love
That knows neither death nor time.

On this day,
I unravel the garland
Of teardrops that flowed
With your demise.

Its absence is replaced
By a peaceful smile
That I crown upon your head
Like a halo to a saint.

When you left me once,
My soul was empty.
As you leave at last,
True love has found me.

—————————

This piece is translated from an original in Filipino

Ngayong Araw

Ngayong araw,
Binabaling ko ang aking paningin
sa mga pilapil ng sinag-araw
Na sumasayaw sa iyong katawan.

Sinisindihan nila ang makipot na daan
Patungo sa lugar na pinangako mo,
Sa lugar kung saan ka naroroon,
Hinihintay ako.

Ngayong araw,
Isinasantabi ko ang naudlot na pagkakataong,
Akayin ka,
Sa madilim na lambak na iyong tinahak.

Sa halip,
Sasariwain ko ang ating pagtatampisaw
Sa tabing-dagat ng pagmamahalan,
Sa kapwa paghabol sa hinagap na inasahang mahanap sa isa’t isa.

Ngayong araw,
Sinasambot ko ang init ng umaga
Na walang dudang mga bisig mong
Yumayapos sa nauupos kong puso.

Pinauusbong nito ang pag-asa
Sa aking puso, alaala mo,
Biyayang pinagkaloob ng pag-ibig mong
Walang pagpanaw o panahon.

Ngayong araw,
Tinatastas ko ang kuwintas ng
Mga butil ng luhang umagos
Sabay ng iyong pagkawala.

Hinahalinhinan ko ito ng
Isang payapang ngiti
Na ipinuputong ko sa iyong ulo
Gaya ng isang santo.

Noong una mo akong iniwan,
Nakaramdam ako ng kawalan.
Sa iyong muling paglisan,
Tunay na pag-ibig ang natagpuan.

Click!

Split-Second

 

Meanwhile, the chest reaches its peak before a sigh
Meanwhile, a dinosaur discovers that it has the highest tolerance for the cold
Meanwhile, the little girl takes care not to hit her face as she gets off the lower end of the seesaw
Meanwhile, the letter “x” lingers against the ribbon of the typewriter
Meanwhile, two minute molecules test the limit of coherence
Meanwhile, the tip of the lady’s tongue presses against the back of her front teeth as she prepares to respond to the man on his knees
Meanwhile, the image on the mirror begins to multiply before sound is formed
Meanwhile, the droplets of water vapor break their surfaces and merge
To form the rain reflected in my eyes
Meanwhile, you move from remembered to forgotten.

Click!

Ang Paraan Patungo sa Aking Puso

Ang paraan patungo sa aking puso
Ay madali.
Nagsisimula ito sa isang hakbang
Palayo.
Hinihila ito ng bigat,
Di gaya ng dinudulot ng mundo
Sa patak ng ulan,
Kundi ng sabaw
Sa kumakalam na tiyan.
Walang hinihintay na atang
Ang aking pag-ibig.
Bagkus, nabubuhay ito
Sa kahungkagan,
Sa iyong waring di-pagpansin,
Sa iyong pagsasawalang-bahala.
Ang damdamin ko’y di rosas
Na malamyos,
Na bumubukadkad
Sa pagtatalik ng hamog at sinag-araw.
Ito’y isang damong-ligaw
Na kusang umuusbong,
Nakikiapid,

Pumapatay.

Ang paraan patungo sa aking puso
Ay madali.
Ang paraan palayo
Ang may kahirapan.

Amygdala

 

The thought of you
Stretches in my mind
With each whiff
Of the shirt you left behind.

A potion of
Cigarettes
And sweat
And shorea.

A souvenir
Of lovers’ glee,
Of promised love
Faded prematurely.

I lie with only
The echoes of your words to me,
“I cannot give you what you want.”
(Then take back what I don’t)

Another indelible
Love story
Stained my nose
And my memory.

I draw a deep breath
And I draw your trajectory.
If out of sight,
Were out of mind.

If your scent
And my feelings
Weren’t so
Intertwined.

If the smell of your shirt
Had no power to remind
My feeble heart of times
It was treated unkind,

Then I could exhale
Instead of sobbing.

I shed tears
More than needed
To drown your perfume
From my head.

But the air around me
Is filled with you.
And I cannot,
Hard I try, begin anew.

Your smell sends our love back in time.
However swift the time you were mine.

For Ian

 

A coldness slumbers in my stomach.
Malaise journeys through my limbs,
Led by your inverted torch.

(To think I’ve never considered suicide-
Pride, maybe vanity.)

The world is a hollow place
That it begs adventure.
A lifelong game of hide and seek
With you, the dark cupid:
The never-ending sleep.

You are the cherub
Oft-spoken but never seen.

The tender,
Perverted youth
Of Night,
Come to me now,
Sword in sheath, black heart
And butterfly kisses.
Promising what I know to be nothing
But feel as everything-
Everything I always wanted.

This affliction,
My addiction,
This steep climb
To certainty.

That of my life, With you,
Condensing into these
Precise moments
Slipping through time.
Moments I’ve long conjured
In my mind.
And taken wing,
Fetching me with
swiftness and sweetness
Of concluding.

Loving you-
A lock of my hair
Falls upon
Your waiting palm-
Will be the end of me,

So let’s begin.

Click!

Revolution at the Square

 

Posing for inspiration
I make out your form
Across the vast square
Where figures of revolt
Stand frozen with
Passion in their expression.

I curse my vision
For its incapacity
To make out
Your face. I rely on
Imagination to paint a smile
Directed towards me.

Judging from the way
Your arms hold on to the pack
Resting on your lap,
I surmise that I fit you
Or that you fit me
(Or both) perfectly.

The statues’ frozen
Dissent.

I wish you were likewise.
Frozen in the space
Interchangeable, this square
My house
My couch
My bed
My heart.

Instead you stir-
Prepare to leave.
And while I journal
Our imagined encounter,
You vanish.

How beautiful
We could have been,
Adorning a vast square
Like this.
Passion in the expression.

In revolution.